Special Birthday Letter

I have nothing to give you something special on your birthday. I would also like to take this opportunity to say how really sorry I am for the both of us. Sorry for the things that I've said and for the things that was supposedly uttered but was not expressed. Kindly excuse my labyrinth. Maybe because that's how I deal with people like you. It's my own version of 'cushion of protection' to conserve my heart from potential torments.

I may be the cheapest and weirdest girl that you knew.And will always be. If I can be such pain in the ass sometimes (or most of the time), I would just like to make opportunities not for me but for you to make me feel that I'm not. But I guess you never notice the hints.

Ayoko lang kasi na may kaagaw si God sa heart ko. I've realized it will be unfair for Him.

I've realized all the differences that we have. All I can think of right now that we have in common is: we just have the same God. So, how can two people be n unison if they won't complement each other. Or am I just rationalizing this too much?

I would like to thank and praise God for you. How He really made things beautiful in my life. You have my heart and I can't tell you enough how it fills me with so much happiness that I have someone so special like you in my life. And still, I want you to remember that you will always be special in my heart. Whatever it is that you are concealing.

I never be the one that you'd first run to. Pero 'pag hindi mo na kaya. God will be there and hey, I'm here.

Kd, thank you for making me feel special and loved for 3 months (might that be a bluff or true). Bringing such memories in my life was never been so good. Often times, I go back to those days. Which makes me feel that my Love Tank has been empty. It's been fine I know,or it's just maybe my bean doesn't want to spill yet. I just don't feel secure at times.

And no one cared to try if he can, so it end up lodged in a jar.

Well, please do take care. Enjoy your special day. There's a new more year to learn about life and discover great things. I know you are having fun with your friends and you must keep it going. Fall in love when you're ready, not because you're lonely.

Another thank you for the times that you really make me feel like laughing and I got use to it. I really do miss it and you... God bless you.

Happy Birthday!

With so much love; hugs & kisses,

Me

A bit of a bother

Am I such pain in the ass?

I want you to realize that I can be. And I will always be. And I'm seeking for someone that can handle that for a LIFETIME.

I would definitely want to disappoint you, inflict you some pain, stress you out, drain you, turn you off,make you very angry and loose all your patience. At the end of the day, you will will still be there for me...

Because if it is LOVE... You will NEVER feel that way.

So here I am. I'm not gonna stop until I prove that you are for REAL.. A heaven sent.

I just feel....

Feeling ko,, "Patabaing Baboy Ako"...

This is just what I'm thinking about all the time. That I might be slaughtered any time to be sold in the market. (that's lots of money right? hmmm...)

BUT,, not in a bad way of course. I know dad cannot work anymore. Mom has been so pre occupied with home problem matters. I don't want to see her getting tired taking care of someonelse's job.

Due to my experiences in my life, I think I've never been tough enough. And I don't want others to think that I am weak. I'm so done of being oppressed by other superior people.

I want to stand with my own feet. I will do everything for it. I always feel he burden. I carry the family on my shoulders and I feel that I'm the only one who can make changes..


I will sacrifice my happiness just for them...

I just don't know yet

I feel so selfish for leaving. I think that I was just thinking about myself. All I just wanted to do is is to disembark the burden that I'm carrying for the past months now. I have never felt this way before.

Never been so happy, while hiding the feelings. And when it was lost because of UN-reciprocation, I've never been so lonely and frustrated. There's a lot of things that I want to do. I think that particular event in my life left my heart dysfunctional.

Hiding Inside Myshell

Sometimes when my hormones were triggered and altered by external chaos, I get inside my shell and carry all my pearls. It's either I count them one by one or just carry them in a huddle.