*I was suppose to say this personally but I think I won't be having my chance.
Year ago, same season as last year, I had a deal with God: a deal that keeps on crossing my mind every time I go back to the days that haunts me until this day. (he don't make ways anyway).
I requested God to protect my heart until the guy who would marry me (if ever) comes. I told God not to let me be exposed to somebody else unless it is the right one. I assumed a big "YES" from Him. His proposition of my intuition marks as my vanguard whenever I meet someone. It was my trinket of His love that portrays that His love is more than enough for me. And I don't need an 'inamorato' to enjoy the enormity of life.
Thereupon, I met someone that I knew for some time. Amazingly, I have treated him initially as a kin. He's like one of the chaps that I'm comfortable with. (FYI: I don't usually go out with the guys alone).
I customarily believe that men are not capable of falling in love/loving. Though my parents had a stringy relationship, I never consider myself that will be eligible for relationship/marriage. I view relationship according to what I see on my outside world; witnessing the agony of known people and even the people close to my heart experienced the destructive backlash of relationship. Someone got pregnant, got abused, left behind, taken for granted and cheated on. I just don't want that to happen to me.
I've made a pact with myself that I won't enter to romantic relationship unless I'm ready and he is ready. I'll make sure that he would surpass all the demand in my list (I will put this into writing on my next blogs.Unfortunately, I don't think I will place that in public view-- to be discussed by me and God).
When my purpose in life was revealed to me when I was 13 of age, I knew that I was made to glorify my Creator not just by merely performing my Christian duty as a follower and a human being but as an individual that would contribute to the society by touching people's lives and leading them towards God.
By this, I practice getting involve with people and cherish them deeply. This is how I get my quandary--attachments (this can be further explicate on my previous treatise). I make it a point that my only priority will be: my God, my family, my friends and my career. (Did you see a "boyfriend" on the series? --No? Me too! We'll get into that, later.)
So here it goes, this guy that I just met was naturally a guy. Treated me as a princess which was my penchant (this is for quite some time). This beau of mine was amiably pleasant. I bombard him with my wits most of the time, not to mention the sarcasms that I've manifested. Still hoping that he was not hurt by it. Scrutinizing his threshold and burning him out was my favorite (call me a control freak and Ms. possessive).I went on for that period and thought that everything that was happening was not so serious. After all I know that we're both not ready yet. So I relished the epoch.
Apparently, it came to pass that he took some turns (maybe he realized he doesn't want me at all). Agenda revealed.I don't want to say what I still have at the back of my mind. It's a reluctant thought that keeps on taunting me (these are the thoughts that comes up when someone feels COLD in affairs-- hope you get it). Until now, he still never miss confusing me by his words and actions. They're very contradicting. The other thing was we missed to communicate appropriately. We misunderstand each other most of the time. I just realized people, though with common interest, speaks different languages. Mine was from Planet Bubble gum, I don't know his. I spoke mine, and he misinterpreted. If he only knew what was that about, it was not supposedly gonna end like this.
It came to a point that I BLOCKED him in Facebook due to my frustrations( My own version of escape from insanity after being in the asylum for months after he went off). Afraid that I might misunderstood him again.I'm so tired ranting about it. The reason why I didn't DELETE him? It's because this link will be the only connection that we have. And I don't want to culminate the remaining affinity between us. I was actually planning to sit still for just one week. However, my swain discovered it the night after I did it. I didn't know it will be distinguished by him that fast (Oops. Sorry).
My sister,as a courtesy let me read the blog that he wrote after he encountered my scheme. (that was so ssshhhweeeet honey, I have my participation there). I would like to say sorry. I just don't want to feel the pinch every time I see your name. Was I able to read there "You've been in love"? been= past; just makes me think that your love ends. How about that? (Love chemicals stays in the body for an average of 18 months. I feel sorry you lost yours).
I was so glad my life was complete. Knowing such people who will let me feel loved and hurt made my world go outrageously round. This is part of life. What was left of us was pure love and memories. He will always be the 5th Man in my life. I want this noted.
I have learn a lot about myself through this. This pursuit made me learn that words should not be left unspoken; insincere words should be hindered. I praise God because of you.
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