*I was suppose to say this personally but I think I won't be having my chance.
Year ago, same season as last year, I had a deal with God: a deal that keeps on crossing my mind every time I go back to the days that haunts me until this day. (he don't make ways anyway).
I requested God to protect my heart until the guy who would marry me (if ever) comes. I told God not to let me be exposed to somebody else unless it is the right one. I assumed a big "YES" from Him. His proposition of my intuition marks as my vanguard whenever I meet someone. It was my trinket of His love that portrays that His love is more than enough for me. And I don't need an 'inamorato' to enjoy the enormity of life.
Thereupon, I met someone that I knew for some time. Amazingly, I have treated him initially as a kin. He's like one of the chaps that I'm comfortable with. (FYI: I don't usually go out with the guys alone).
I customarily believe that men are not capable of falling in love/loving. Though my parents had a stringy relationship, I never consider myself that will be eligible for relationship/marriage. I view relationship according to what I see on my outside world; witnessing the agony of known people and even the people close to my heart experienced the destructive backlash of relationship. Someone got pregnant, got abused, left behind, taken for granted and cheated on. I just don't want that to happen to me.
I've made a pact with myself that I won't enter to romantic relationship unless I'm ready and he is ready. I'll make sure that he would surpass all the demand in my list (I will put this into writing on my next blogs.Unfortunately, I don't think I will place that in public view-- to be discussed by me and God).
When my purpose in life was revealed to me when I was 13 of age, I knew that I was made to glorify my Creator not just by merely performing my Christian duty as a follower and a human being but as an individual that would contribute to the society by touching people's lives and leading them towards God.
By this, I practice getting involve with people and cherish them deeply. This is how I get my quandary--attachments (this can be further explicate on my previous treatise). I make it a point that my only priority will be: my God, my family, my friends and my career. (Did you see a "boyfriend" on the series? --No? Me too! We'll get into that, later.)
So here it goes, this guy that I just met was naturally a guy. Treated me as a princess which was my penchant (this is for quite some time). This beau of mine was amiably pleasant. I bombard him with my wits most of the time, not to mention the sarcasms that I've manifested. Still hoping that he was not hurt by it. Scrutinizing his threshold and burning him out was my favorite (call me a control freak and Ms. possessive).I went on for that period and thought that everything that was happening was not so serious. After all I know that we're both not ready yet. So I relished the epoch.
Apparently, it came to pass that he took some turns (maybe he realized he doesn't want me at all). Agenda revealed.I don't want to say what I still have at the back of my mind. It's a reluctant thought that keeps on taunting me (these are the thoughts that comes up when someone feels COLD in affairs-- hope you get it). Until now, he still never miss confusing me by his words and actions. They're very contradicting. The other thing was we missed to communicate appropriately. We misunderstand each other most of the time. I just realized people, though with common interest, speaks different languages. Mine was from Planet Bubble gum, I don't know his. I spoke mine, and he misinterpreted. If he only knew what was that about, it was not supposedly gonna end like this.
It came to a point that I BLOCKED him in Facebook due to my frustrations( My own version of escape from insanity after being in the asylum for months after he went off). Afraid that I might misunderstood him again.I'm so tired ranting about it. The reason why I didn't DELETE him? It's because this link will be the only connection that we have. And I don't want to culminate the remaining affinity between us. I was actually planning to sit still for just one week. However, my swain discovered it the night after I did it. I didn't know it will be distinguished by him that fast (Oops. Sorry).
My sister,as a courtesy let me read the blog that he wrote after he encountered my scheme. (that was so ssshhhweeeet honey, I have my participation there). I would like to say sorry. I just don't want to feel the pinch every time I see your name. Was I able to read there "You've been in love"? been= past; just makes me think that your love ends. How about that? (Love chemicals stays in the body for an average of 18 months. I feel sorry you lost yours).
I was so glad my life was complete. Knowing such people who will let me feel loved and hurt made my world go outrageously round. This is part of life. What was left of us was pure love and memories. He will always be the 5th Man in my life. I want this noted.
I have learn a lot about myself through this. This pursuit made me learn that words should not be left unspoken; insincere words should be hindered. I praise God because of you.
encrypt/decrypt//OTrQbhE+jXoxRrJQ96pIJmNwHcC9pwlTBEVHpwNiOECInVuq6X4uaPV5rxZQlE5P
*I was suppose to say this personally but I think I won't be having my chance.
Year ago, same season as last year, I had a deal with God: a deal that keeps on crossing my mind every time I go back to the days that haunts me until this day. (he don't make ways anyway).
I requested God to protect my heart until the guy who would marry me (if ever) comes. I told God not to let me be exposed to somebody else unless it is the right one. I assumed a big "YES" from Him. His proposition of my intuition marks as my vanguard whenever I meet someone. It was my trinket of His love that portrays that His love is more than enough for me. And I don't need an 'inamorato' to enjoy the enormity of life.
Thereupon, I met someone that I knew for some time. Amazingly, I have treated him initially as a kin. He's like one of the chaps that I'm comfortable with. (FYI: I don't usually go out with the guys alone).
I customarily believe that men are not capable of falling in love/loving. Though my parents had a stringy relationship, I never consider myself that will be eligible for relationship/marriage. I view relationship according to what I see on my outside world; witnessing the agony of known people and even the people close to my heart experienced the destructive backlash of relationship. Someone got pregnant, got abused, left behind, taken for granted and cheated on. I just don't want that to happen to me.
I've made a pact with myself that I won't enter to romantic relationship unless I'm ready and he is ready. I'll make sure that he would surpass all the demand in my list (I will put this into writing on my next blogs.Unfortunately, I don't think I will place that in public view-- to be discussed by me and God).
When my purpose in life was revealed to me when I was 13 of age, I knew that I was made to glorify my Creator not just by merely performing my Christian duty as a follower and a human being but as an individual that would contribute to the society by touching people's lives and leading them towards God.
By this, I practice getting involve with people and cherish them deeply. This is how I get my quandary--attachments (this can be further explicate on my previous treatise). I make it a point that my only priority will be: my God, my family, my friends and my career. (Did you see a "boyfriend" on the series? --No? Me too! We'll get into that, later.)
So here it goes, this guy that I just met was naturally a guy. Treated me as a princess which was my penchant (this is for quite some time). This beau of mine was amiably pleasant. I bombard him with my wits most of the time, not to mention the sarcasms that I've manifested. Still hoping that he was not hurt by it. Scrutinizing his threshold and burning him out was my favorite (call me a control freak and Ms. possessive).I went on for that period and thought that everything that was happening was not so serious. After all I know that we're both not ready yet. So I relished the epoch.
Apparently, it came to pass that he took some turns (maybe he realized he doesn't want me at all). Agenda revealed.I don't want to say what I still have at the back of my mind. It's a reluctant thought that keeps on taunting me (these are the thoughts that comes up when someone feels COLD in affairs-- hope you get it). Until now, he still never miss confusing me by his words and actions. They're very contradicting. The other thing was we missed to communicate appropriately. We misunderstand each other most of the time. I just realized people, though with common interest, speaks different languages. Mine was from Planet Bubble gum, I don't know his. I spoke mine, and he misinterpreted. If he only knew what was that about, it was not supposedly gonna end like this.
It came to a point that I BLOCKED him in Facebook due to my frustrations( My own version of escape from insanity after being in the asylum for months after he went off). Afraid that I might misunderstood him again.I'm so tired ranting about it. The reason why I didn't DELETE him? It's because this link will be the only connection that we have. And I don't want to culminate the remaining affinity between us. I was actually planning to sit still for just one week. However, my swain discovered it the night after I did it. I didn't know it will be distinguished by him that fast (Oops. Sorry).
My sister,as a courtesy let me read the blog that he wrote after he encountered my scheme. (that was so ssshhhweeeet honey, I have my participation there). I would like to say sorry. I just don't want to feel the pinch every time I see your name. Was I able to read there "You've been in love"? been= past; just makes me think that your love ends. How about that? (Love chemicals stays in the body for an average of 18 months. I feel sorry you lost yours).
I was so glad my life was complete. Knowing such people who will let me feel loved and hurt made my world go outrageously round. This is part of life. What was left of us was pure love and memories. He will always be the 5th Man in my life. I want this noted.
I have learn a lot about myself through this. This pursuit made me learn that words should not be left unspoken; insincere words should be hindered. I praise God because of you.
encrypt/decrypt//OTrQbhE+jXoxRrJQ96pIJmNwHcC9pwlTBEVHpwNiOECInVuq6X4uaPV5rxZQlE5P
Am I such pain in the ass?
I want you to realize that I can be. And I will always be. And I'm seeking for someone that can handle that for a LIFETIME.
I would definitely want to disappoint you, inflict you some pain, stress you out, drain you, turn you off,make you very angry and loose all your patience. At the end of the day, you will will still be there for me...
Because if it is LOVE... You will NEVER feel that way.
So here I am. I'm not gonna stop until I prove that you are for REAL.. A heaven sent.
I have to confess that I could be jealous easily. In anything, to every one. Ever since I was little, I can be sulky about petty things that I don't get the attention of.
This is my story:
When I was like 9 years of age, and already aware that I am the eldest of 3 children, I was always expected to give way to my little siblings. I was too young then to understand, but still I do because if not I would be scolded and spend a horrible day.
One night, mom and dad arrived from an occasion, me and little sibs ran towards the door to meet them. I discovered mom handing a small red pillow, might came from the occasion they went to. I wanted THAT PILLOW. I swiftly grabbed it from my mom's hands.
My 3-year-old sister saw it. She wanted the pillow as well. Well, I saw it first. (See how selfish I was). She asked my mom is she can have it. My mom said yes. And I went on balistic. I don't want it to give it away because I saw it first.
My dad and mom hashed out with me to give the pillow to my little bratty sister. I gave it to her but with resentment.
I turned away and went to bed. I cried all night. And some other nights. Experiencing melancholy over such a material thing isn't that pleasant to think about. But hey I did.
Days after, of course with little things in my mind as a child. I was still thinking about how to get even. I sometimes watch over my sister sleeping with the pillow by her side. "My PILLOW" by her side. Due to my frustrations, while little sister is charmingly sleeping at night, I sneak in to the bedroom like a sly and steal little pillow on my little sister's arms. And that's the time I recapitulate my sleep. It happened for quite a while. But it made a streak on my heart.
And until today, I get easily jealous. I cry when I am. Can't still overleap that event.
I do also have some paltry treatment to my friends, that sometimes when we don't do things that we usually do things together,or he/she would have another friend that she/he shares her/his stories with, when my friend go out without me and with other friend, I get sulky about it and wary about it.
How much more...
If I do have a boyfriend, I would definitely die of jealousy for every little thing! And I don't want it.
You love like a Water Sign | |||
| Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces For you, it is about plumbing the depths with a partner? and then some. Whether it is conversation, food or sex, you give your relationship your all and you expect a lot. Intense would be a good word to describe you, and the weak of heart may find that off putting. Loyalty is a strong point, but surprisingly, you can come off like you are flaky or disinterested. That is only because you are ultra sensitive and need to feel secure before you reveal your true nature. You may seem hard to know and unpredictable for those who take things at face value, but again, it is just that you are hard to get to know. Even close friends find that you continue to surprise them -- another tough thing for predictability seekers. And for goodness sake, do not cross you ? those who do will live to regret it, either because you have exacted revenge or you have had a breakdown for which they will feel responsible. When looking for a partner, you need someone who can excite you, but moreover someone who is willing to 'go there,' wherever 'there' may be. Flighty or shallow types are not of interest, and if someone is not at least a little adventurous in bed, forget it. You would not stay interested, so do not waste your time trying. The thing is, you are looking for commitment; but you are not one to settle. And love as you envision it is possible (if exhausting), even if it takes a little bit longer than most. Just try not to over think it. GOOD MATCHES: Water Signs, Some Fire Signs BAD BETS: Air Signs *** |
**posted on Monday, February 21, 2011 at 9:03am
Mom suddenly appeared in the bedroom with her spiel "Special Delivery!", and I was pulled out from dreamland. When I opened my eyes, I saw mom holding a red box. I thought I was still dreaming. As I tried to put myself back to what's happening, I realized that mom was holding a box of cake, I said to myself, "Is this some kind of a joke??!"
Mom told me it's a delivery from someone for Valentines. Oh yeah, I thought that was sweet. Was it sweet?
Well, Thank you.
You're such a blessing!
**Love you too dear!
***January 7th, 2008 by keestinee on FRIENDSTER
For a long time now, I’ve been asking myself.
Where does love go after someone breaks up with you?
Why suddenly we tried to feel tired of loving that person?
Why cannot offer even friendship?
And I found the answer…
Many may think I’m stupid not to know, but the answer is simple. Because one expects something in return when they give love away and when we don’t get what we expect,
We feel tired or even GIVE UP…
Many have said that love is not selfish…
But really, it is… And it will ALWAYS BE…
It was in a blink he told me that he liked me.
I thought it was for real…That it would last just like what I dreamed of …
I started to like him too bacause I thought he’s not like the others I’ve known before…
But then…
It was also in a blink that he gave up so easily…
I fell for him and I know it’s not right,
That’s why I tried to get over him,
Tried not to care, Try not to love him.
But no matter what I do, Everytime he’s near…
I just say " hindi ko kasi sya matiis eh". HMF!
If I could hug him tight, I would.
If I could hold him close, I would.
It’s not that I don’t have the WILL,
I just don’t have the RIGHT!
After all the thinking…
I know he’s not the one for me…
I know he belong to someone else…
I know we’re not really meant to be…
But everytime I’m with someone else,
I still wish that… He was HIM!
I feel sorry if he can’t love me the way he loved the one before me…
So, I will let him go to find her and hope someday he’ll realize that the one he’s looking for is exactly…
‘The one who set him free’…
GOODBYE!!!
10.Does not say "Me First!"
9. Believes the best about others.
8. Does not "keep score" of the bad things that others do.
7. Does not tear down others.
6. Is not conceited.
5. Is patient with others, even when they are annoying.
4. Is not happy when someone gets hurt.
3. Helps out others, even if it’s inconvenient.
2. Celebrates the success of others.
1. NEVER QUITS!
Just so you know….
I do believe that God above,
Created you for me to love.
He picked you up among the rest,
because He knows I love you best.
I have a heart and it is true,
But now it’s gone from me to you.
So, care of it as I have do,
For I have none and you got two.
If I got to heaven and you’re not there,
I’ll wait for you in the Golden stairs.
And if you’re not there on the judgment day,
I know you’ve gone the other way.
So, I’ll give up my Angel’s wings,
My golden harp and everything.
And to prove to you my love,
I’ll go to hell with you instead of above….
I have this close guy classmate who I spend a lot of time with during school days. He was the type of a flirt guy that I hate. But whenever he’s around, I couldn’t be happier than ever.
It could have been much enjoyable, however, one fine day, I just discovered from my girlfriend that she has observed that something unusual to him.
Well, I know that he’s been tagging along with us; during lunchbreaks, when we got need to drop by the mall to buy somethin, he’s always been there. But to my surprise, the group told me that he’s going to court me. Hell!
I didn’t notice that fast enough… Recovering from my shock, I was realizing then, that must be the reason why he always sits beside me, making me laugh, texting me all night,teasing me and the most thing that I hate: TOUCHES ME. I hate "touchy-feel" guys. Seems like their always taking advantage on me…
I just don’t know why, I hate to ba touched, EXCEPT those kind of touch that COMFORTS me. After the thinking, I found myself pushing him away… farther… and farther…
This must be the reason that up to now, I still don’t have a guy friend,’coz it always end up like that……..
***
This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 20th, 2008 at 1:34 am on FRIENDSTER
It’s been a sunny morning, I found myself looking around the place for some familiar faces — Perhaps, for some ’special face’. A pretty face I always wanted to look at…
I haven’t seen her for quite some time. I think I miss her so bad. This might be so hard for someone who’s been looking for someone who could give back what that someone has given away.
I have this plain old and new friends; some pretty girls in class and a new set of guys. But it seems like there’s somethings missing. — Someone who appreciates me enough, giving me letters every once in a while, encourages me whenever I was down,could ride on and buy my jokes, and that someone who cooks me my favorite dish– ADOBO. < it’s a terrific taste!> She has this kind of taste that signifies its uniqueness of the dish. Not just like the other adobo that you usually buy in a carinderia or in other households.
She must’ve found some guys; her new friends. I just saw her the other day. She was with a guy — sweet enough to have mistaken them as "sweethearts". I couldn’t care less. That guy must be so lucky.
Everytime I see her passing by me, it feels like something’s melting me and grinding me into pieces. It makes me want to shrink by her majestic presence.
No words could make me express how much I miss that girl. Oh how I miss those moments when she strokes my shoulder and tells me, " That’s okay dear, it’s just a material thing. Don’t get too disappointed with it. I still love you no matter what". I am so weaken by her sweet voice and those words that comes out from her little lips.
It was a regret for me to let her down when she asked me to fix me our relationship all over again after our parents separated us. But I don’t need no friendship. I don’t want to be ‘just’ her friend!
But she’s somebody else’s girl now. I don’t want to bother her. She must be so happy with that someone. But I know, God always have a plan. He will never let that ‘guy’ come between us. I know she loves me. I can see it in her brown meaningful eyes.
I’m leaving next week to Florida. This could be the hardest goodbye. But I know in my heart, faithful and waiting. I will see her soon and i’m going to hold on until that day comes…
"LOVE SEEKS NO TIME AND SEES NO END"
***
This entry was posted on Sunday, March 9th, 2008 at 10:28 pm on FRIENDSTER
If I would be given a special power , it would be the POWER TO TURN BACK TIME..So, I could rewind and change my Stupid Mistakes. It’s kinda ‘kid’ thing but it would be an amusing thing for me…
For the past 8 years, I started the highlight of my life. Since I was the eldest among my siblings, I usually stick to the rules. However, when I reached in my Higher Education Level, I began my rebellious acts. It’s been weird. But I used to "hate men", until I met my first boyfriend. Realizing, having him isn’t bad at all. Or so I thought.
I regret those tragic days od my life. He ditched me…
I WANT TO TURN THAT TIME BACK!!!
Until I met this guy, the second one. He told my classmate that he likes me and he’s going to court me. But he was courting someone else and eventually committed to someone.
The special day has come when I was born. Might those angels were all adoring my arrival in this earth when my delicate mother chose to give birth. So as my father who has been waiting for my grand entrance prior to my mother to the world of wonder.
Since then, my life began…
Like a movie, my life also has ups and downs. As a kid, I grew up in a home of full of love and simplicity of life. I was never brought up to be a bratinella. I tried hard to get what I want.
And my love life?? Hmm… Just like telenovelas… I also experienced heartbreaks and learned lessons from it even Traumas. That’s why I never entered into a commitment again since then.
More or less, I would want to be a simple person. I never wished to have a fairy tale-like relationship nor a huge mansion house for myself.
MY FATHER: "The Unpredictable Man"
My dad has always been my disciplinarian. Just like the other man of the house. He usually feed us knowledge and lessons. He’s an Authoritative type of guy that we (with my siblings) afraid of.
Ever since I was a kid, I had this little feeling and a little thought in my mind that always bothers me.
"Why isn’t my father so sweet like the other dadd-ies? Why is he always scolds me whenever I had a simple mistakes?….
That were the questions…
Maybe that was also the reason why I always want to contradict his statements (FYI, I’m the #1 Contradictor of my DAd). We’re always have a debate in the dining table that also usually ends up in arguments, and me in a terrible state…
MY MOTHER: The Caring Fairy
I just wanted to just as God wants me to be…
